I was wondering what you get for being a dues-paying member of the Fairfield Bay Community Club. I mean, one thing you don’t get is transparency.

A couple weeks ago, a game of cat and mouse ensued between the CFO and me.

This all started innocently enough when I asked to meet with our CFO to discuss finances because I was having difficulty reconciling the numbers on the skyrocketing cost of the no-bid project that he calls the beer barn but we all know as Landslide Liquors, how The Little Red suddenly became a profit center, and the amount spent on the developer’s litigation that we shouldn’t be paying for…

But when I emailed the CFO and requested a meeting, he responded by asking what the topic was.

Thought bubble: I want to swap chicken soup recipes. Just kiddin’ — nobody eats soup in the summertime.

I responded informing him that I wanted to discuss the club’s finances, and the CFO said I would need to submit my list of questions in advance of our meeting.

Thought bubble: We all know that take-home tests are the tests teachers give when they know the questions are going to require adult supervision.

I went to the community club offices at our agreed-upon time, was ushered into a conference room, popped open my notebook computer, and was ready to type all the answers to the aforementioned questions when the CFO panicked.

CFO: What are you doing?

ME: Typing?

CFO: You can’t do that. You can’t take pictures, it’s in the Bylaws.

ME: But I’m taking notes.

CFO: You can’t.

ME: So if I took out a piece of paper and wrote down —

CFO: It’s prohibited by the Bylaws.

Thought bubble: As the cone of silence descended upon us, I was hoping my shoe phone would start recording.

We had a 25-minute meeting with more evasion than answers, more questions deflected back to me, and a whole lot of deer-in-the-headlights stares.

Thought bubble: This reminds me of that SNL skit when Martin Short plays Nathan Thurm, the lawyer for the tobacco industry.

INTERVIEWER: Mr. Thurm, we appreciate your willingness to talk to us tonight.

MR. THURM: What do you mean by that?

INTERVIEWER: Well, simply that we want to thank you for taking time out from your schedule.

MR. THURM: Why wouldn’t I be able to take time out from my schedule? It’s so interesting that you wouldn’t think I could take time off from my schedule. It’s as if you think the tobacco industry’s case is so weak that defending it took all my time. It’s funny that you would think that. It’s so funny.

INTERVIEWER: Well, Mr. Thurm, if I may begin. The links between cigarette smoking and lung cancer and heart disease are well-established.

MR. THURM; Are they? I don’t know that they are.

MR. INTERVIEWER: Well, Mr. Thurm, scientific research has shown that to be the case.

MR. THURM: No, it hasn’t.

THE INTERVIEWER: With respect, I’m afraid that it has.

MR. THURM: That’s your opinion. I can show you studies that can prove that smoking cigarettes can be beneficial to you. (As he takes a deep drag on his cigarette.)

The transparency espoused by our land developer/self-proclaimed king is as opaque as a dimly lit room filled with 18.5 Nathan Thurms.

THE FORGOTTEN PENINSULA DEVELOPER: Why are you saying 18.5 Nathan Thurms? It’s funny that you’d use the number 18.5. So funny.

THE INK SLINGER: If you think that’s funny, Mr. Developer Guy, tune in tomorrow…